still homesick

June 2004, when I first left home after 14 years of schooling and 4 years of Engineering and many many friends. The train started moving. I was on the door and signalled and hushed mummy, who was trying to catch up with the speed, not to cry, and shouted to Sandeep... inhe sambhaalna. she controlled herself there, and I too was as calm as this was just another of my journey. have thought about that calmness a hundred times since... how unusual, how impossible.
6 years since that day, after staying in so many cities, with so many people and then with my wife... still I am homesick. wanderer as many know me, but still I always rear to go home. on the last day of each and every tour, on the last leg of travel, I want to go to my home at Bhopal first. these 6 years haven't changed me... how unusual.
and this despite the fact, which I have discovered in these years when I wend home for short spans, that except at my home there, right from outside the gate, the sight of almost each turn and street brings a painful feeling of memories of my beautiful days there. I try not to go through those lanes or visit those shops or stop at those spots as they remind me of my friends. I feel alone everywhere out of my home. Yet I always stay homesick or better to call bhopal-homesick.
I am a branch, my parents are its tree, my wife the water and my friends are the sunlight. am living happily with just one of them always with me... how impossible!

sarhad paar se...

Gulzar recites...

Subah subah ik khwab ki dastak par darwaza khola, dekha
Sarhad ke us paar se kuchh mehmaan aaye hain

Aankhon se maanoos the saarey
Chehre saarey sune sunaaye
Paanv dhoye, Haath dhulaye
Aangan mein aasan lagwaaye...
Aur tannoor pe makki ke kuchh mote mote rot pakaye

Potli mein mehmaan mere
Pichhale saalon ki faslon ka gud laaye the

Aankh khuli to dekha ghar mein koi nahin tha
Haath lagakar dekha to tandoor abhi tak bujha nahin tha
Aur hothon pe meethe gud ka zaayka ab tak chipak raha tha

Khwab tha shayad!
Khwab hi hoga! !

Sarhad par kal raat, suna hai, chali thi goli
Sarhad par kal raat, suna hai
Kuchh khwaabon ka khoon hua hai

split must we?

we are getting divided
yet again
the splits are for loss
or, can't reckon, gain

one fasted silently
during the big partition
other abstined upto death
for another division

more want the markers
new borders to be drawn
more want clearly divided
a mornig from the same dawn

"this not your land
that not our land
you and us in the same hall
we both just can't stand!!

"you unaware of history
we were seperate once
perfect is the logic
we should slice hence

"sure it will pain a little
where the limb will break off
lust, not time, will heal
when we alone will show off"

he's feeling cold and likes it

- dad...
   - hmmm?
- am feeling cold
   - first time?
- yeah... i think first time since i was born
   - hmmm. me too since i became dad
- i've seen rains, lots of it. those cities were wet

   - those water were not good

- ya... i got rusted here here and down there too

   - and the paint...

- is that can empty? next sunday its' my heart's turn

   - ok

- dad... i like this cold. and this sun. i like the mornings here

   - and i push you through those mornings not lettin' you enjoy a lot of it

- na... i don't mind it. thats a good highway there. i love it at 72. am as smooth as on 50. ain't i?

   - yup!

- why there was no cold there?

   - geography. proximity to sea. so it was humid.

- and more watery. that day my wheels were half under water!

   - were you scared?

- yeah... a bit. but felt good when all water drained out of that secret hole!

   - a hole at the underside of silencer... some great mind worked it.

   this cold will grow by mid december.

- you like it?

   - of course... missed it for last three years. my body couldn’t adjust to this cold in the beginning.

- was it cold in Bhopal?

   - yes it was. beautifully cold and then a nice soothing sun. me and Bony bhaiyya ate all the fresh green peas aunty bought when we were leaving for college. then she would buy more for sabzi or pulao.

- dad, we are doing 90.

   - any problem with the rear rubber?

- na... the tarmac grip is good on this highway.

   - you sound grunty these days.

- am fine. daily 20 kms and that too mostly on 70+. we’ll get myself checked again. traffic is bad in the city.

   - it’s not regulated that’s why. again it’s relative. mumbai’s was regulated, still painful. too many vehicles. kolkata was worse with a bit more short tempered and impatient drivers. here it’s free flow, as if everyone owns the road and the turns and rotaries and dividers.

- sometimes we look fools stopping on signals, you wearing helmet. so, which one you say was/is better?

   - highway, anywhere. they are all same. cities are different. adaptation is difficult. you can’t boast your driving skills here in udaipur if you were a traffic cutter in mumbai. the road sense and behaviour is totally different.

- and the truckers on the highway?

   - you’ve seen them. as i always say, they are the best drivers. they drive very sensibly and in discipline. you ask for side they’ll give it. they know in which lane they should be. they are helpless only with the mass of the machine they drive. trucks are so heavy and so difficult to control and we morons jumping in front of them and then blaming those poor drivers for the mishap.

   now look at these cows. having their share of land on this road.

- here. we’ve reached. chalo dad, bye. have a good day at office.

   - you made friends with Bibek’s bull?

- yep!

   - good. we’ll go on a long ride together. bye!

why ride 'not slow'?

you've written 'ride safe not slow'... defend it!
well, safety first.
and the other half? thats something dangerous and contradicting the first half
no its' not. coz' still, safety is first
but...
yes, you can be fast and safe together. you'll be stupid if you always ride slow or fast or only safe. you should be riding smart and sensible.
but why not slow?
the world is not small. its un-imaginably huge. you can't see part of it in your whole lifetime even if you have a flying machine. so forget about biking.
and then when you are on your bike as a biker and not a commuter, you are with your machine to travel the world. you enjoy the road and the street and explore something new every time you tread on it. you watch and feel the scenics, surroundings, people, other vehicles, their passengers, an overtaking biker, a cursing tempowalla, a cautious truck driver, a honking car, cows, their dung, potholes, tarmac, bridges, speed, wind... lots so many things! how can you own all that experience riding slow in your small life?
but you'll rather concentrate only on road when you are riding fast! you can't pay attention to the surroundings?
not asking you to do 80+ kmph when i say 'not slow'. you just have to be 'not slow' enough to witness as much as possible in your small ride span. you have to think and really feel that there's still a lot more ahead and you have to see that. you have to believe that what lies ahead is definitely better than what you are seeing now.
... you have to tell the tale of what you visited atleast to yourself and you should never be short of tales, so you have to move... and move 'not slow'!
and why should i see more of this world?
simple... because this world is awesome!
and what you haven't seen yet is more awesome?
you bet! go ride :)

who won?

look... it is perfectly logical that eventually a handful of terrorists will surely be brought under control either by capture or by kill by any anti-terrorist force. it was to happen when their ammunitions were exhausted. so an arrest of one and killing of rest few is not an impact. impact was what they made. killed hundreds and damaged millions. they did what they came for.
pardon me, but i am not too proud of our police/military force on 26/11. they just got passing marks and the government escaped with grace marks.
here we din't fought. yes, we saved a few lives but otherwise we let the actions happen. we were defensive. we waited for our turn and thought of it after they had taken theirs. just a handful against a big force! victory and fight was there, on the peak of Kargil. there was the pride. there were martyrs.
we were not prepared in mumbai. not long ago did the '06 blasts happened. we didn't did our homework. we didn't learned our lessons.
we can still be under attack anytime. who knows? can anyone even predict let alone declare? are we safe? and how longer our country will be the favourite soft target? where are the tough guys? seems useless to say or question anymore. we have to live like this. let the world flow and we too floating on it like a dry leaf. sometimes stuck against rocks, sometimes in rapids, sometimes hit by a stone some boy has thrown.
that force was not at fault. they followed orders. the system which ordered was malicious.
we will have a contingent of cops at a single square to catch hold of vehicles without helmet or seat-belts but too few or none to stop two terrorists at a huge railway station. these will be carrying sophisticated speed guns to catch a speeding vehicle but not enough advanced ammunition to stop terrorists roaming on our streets and in our hotels!
we don't have power and are at the receiving end, so we care. and those who have the might... who cares?

wake up gaurav!

... and what could be better for gaurav than getting what he wished since his childhood. a home close to a railway line! then the best thing... morning 7 am train waking him up with its loud horn, then, when he snoozes, another one at 7:15 pushing him off the bed for a fine morning. the fresh mind then starts running alongside the tracks and the thumping of wheels continues as the tea brews.
hmmm... lovely morning these days. just a few hours left for yet another one. after the hours of sleep which will seem to have passed in just a few minutes.
its winter. when days are short. but this meteorological fact is more of a theory in job-o-logical fact. the day starts at the same hours of clock and ends with the same shows on TV. let the stars and planets do their job; we have to do ours.
so lets sleep light sleep tight for a great and good night :)