scrambled mind

first the status update for the more familiar to facebook crowd -
ongoing movies: LOTR (for 27th time), Barfi
playing on TV: news, animal planet, comedy central etc etc swaps every 2-5 minutes
books open: LOTR (it'll get over real soon i promise), Kim by Kipling, Wolves of Calla by Stephen King (ebook)
location: sofa, chair in balcony, doorway floor, kitchen
on laptop: blogger, nfs most wanted, ys flight simulator, (no facebook)
munching: banana chips, cake, pringles

and believe me, all above almost at same time, none of any going on more than max 10 minutes.
thats really scrambled. can't continue after 1-2 races, can't go on after 1-2 failed landings of a B-737, just 50 some pages of the novel and then move to tv or game or office stuff and then back to pages.

thats why i believe, i won't be writing here for long! hehe! its frustrating... more so when i am alone.
its much better when wifey and nitya are here. tv remote is in wifey's hand, location is always changing chasing the little one all through home, very little gaming. only the books keep shuffling.

i think the only thing in near past i kept doing for a decently long time was my loooong drive.
i'm abnormally impatient and i don't like it.

back or just another visit?

a mind of mine which i always call an idiotic scramble strolled over here after so long. scrambled, yes, going on super scrambled. confused and above all, impatient. and this mind knows, for sure, that this is yet another visit only.... maybe for a few days if not only today but only a small one. thats what the next post will be all about.
of course i can't directly start hitting or praising a music director or a city in the first text itself after eons. have to gain the right to write first. a preface is necessary. so it'll be

still homesick

June 2004, when I first left home after 14 years of schooling and 4 years of Engineering and many many friends. The train started moving. I was on the door and signalled and hushed mummy, who was trying to catch up with the speed, not to cry, and shouted to Sandeep... inhe sambhaalna. she controlled herself there, and I too was as calm as this was just another of my journey. have thought about that calmness a hundred times since... how unusual, how impossible.
6 years since that day, after staying in so many cities, with so many people and then with my wife... still I am homesick. wanderer as many know me, but still I always rear to go home. on the last day of each and every tour, on the last leg of travel, I want to go to my home at Bhopal first. these 6 years haven't changed me... how unusual.
and this despite the fact, which I have discovered in these years when I wend home for short spans, that except at my home there, right from outside the gate, the sight of almost each turn and street brings a painful feeling of memories of my beautiful days there. I try not to go through those lanes or visit those shops or stop at those spots as they remind me of my friends. I feel alone everywhere out of my home. Yet I always stay homesick or better to call bhopal-homesick.
I am a branch, my parents are its tree, my wife the water and my friends are the sunlight. am living happily with just one of them always with me... how impossible!

why ride 'not slow'?

you've written 'ride safe not slow'... defend it!
well, safety first.
and the other half? thats something dangerous and contradicting the first half
no its' not. coz' still, safety is first
but...
yes, you can be fast and safe together. you'll be stupid if you always ride slow or fast or only safe. you should be riding smart and sensible.
but why not slow?
the world is not small. its un-imaginably huge. you can't see part of it in your whole lifetime even if you have a flying machine. so forget about biking.
and then when you are on your bike as a biker and not a commuter, you are with your machine to travel the world. you enjoy the road and the street and explore something new every time you tread on it. you watch and feel the scenics, surroundings, people, other vehicles, their passengers, an overtaking biker, a cursing tempowalla, a cautious truck driver, a honking car, cows, their dung, potholes, tarmac, bridges, speed, wind... lots so many things! how can you own all that experience riding slow in your small life?
but you'll rather concentrate only on road when you are riding fast! you can't pay attention to the surroundings?
not asking you to do 80+ kmph when i say 'not slow'. you just have to be 'not slow' enough to witness as much as possible in your small ride span. you have to think and really feel that there's still a lot more ahead and you have to see that. you have to believe that what lies ahead is definitely better than what you are seeing now.
... you have to tell the tale of what you visited atleast to yourself and you should never be short of tales, so you have to move... and move 'not slow'!
and why should i see more of this world?
simple... because this world is awesome!
and what you haven't seen yet is more awesome?
you bet! go ride :)

who won?

look... it is perfectly logical that eventually a handful of terrorists will surely be brought under control either by capture or by kill by any anti-terrorist force. it was to happen when their ammunitions were exhausted. so an arrest of one and killing of rest few is not an impact. impact was what they made. killed hundreds and damaged millions. they did what they came for.
pardon me, but i am not too proud of our police/military force on 26/11. they just got passing marks and the government escaped with grace marks.
here we din't fought. yes, we saved a few lives but otherwise we let the actions happen. we were defensive. we waited for our turn and thought of it after they had taken theirs. just a handful against a big force! victory and fight was there, on the peak of Kargil. there was the pride. there were martyrs.
we were not prepared in mumbai. not long ago did the '06 blasts happened. we didn't did our homework. we didn't learned our lessons.
we can still be under attack anytime. who knows? can anyone even predict let alone declare? are we safe? and how longer our country will be the favourite soft target? where are the tough guys? seems useless to say or question anymore. we have to live like this. let the world flow and we too floating on it like a dry leaf. sometimes stuck against rocks, sometimes in rapids, sometimes hit by a stone some boy has thrown.
that force was not at fault. they followed orders. the system which ordered was malicious.
we will have a contingent of cops at a single square to catch hold of vehicles without helmet or seat-belts but too few or none to stop two terrorists at a huge railway station. these will be carrying sophisticated speed guns to catch a speeding vehicle but not enough advanced ammunition to stop terrorists roaming on our streets and in our hotels!
we don't have power and are at the receiving end, so we care. and those who have the might... who cares?

wake up gaurav!

... and what could be better for gaurav than getting what he wished since his childhood. a home close to a railway line! then the best thing... morning 7 am train waking him up with its loud horn, then, when he snoozes, another one at 7:15 pushing him off the bed for a fine morning. the fresh mind then starts running alongside the tracks and the thumping of wheels continues as the tea brews.
hmmm... lovely morning these days. just a few hours left for yet another one. after the hours of sleep which will seem to have passed in just a few minutes.
its winter. when days are short. but this meteorological fact is more of a theory in job-o-logical fact. the day starts at the same hours of clock and ends with the same shows on TV. let the stars and planets do their job; we have to do ours.
so lets sleep light sleep tight for a great and good night :)

one selfish Vishal

its the buzz, hmmm, bang, noise and what not pre and post release and how could i just mention the name and not talk about it. all talking about Kaminey... you know what Vishal Bharadwaj is?

i think he is one man the film-maker-musician-singer who is a selfish creator... like someone writing a song for himself and singing to himself, painting a canvas and adorning his own room with it, no problem if someone else hears or looks

i think he makes movies, definitely and obviously, not for commercial gain or not for all else to watch and praise him rather he does it for his own expression and self satisfaction and to check how good he is at it. exception: he is selfless only in case of children. he makes movies for children. despite knowing that the gentry doesn't accepts such movies whole-heartedly and they don't HIT!

he thinks of some idea or looks at an idea and says 'let me try creating or building something around this and let me see how it looks'. and he does that.

he is a childhood friend. he gave me to sing jungle jungle and aaya aaya chhenu waali jhunnu ka baba and agar magar dole naiyya then he kept me dancing on chappa chappa charkha chale and giving me goosebumps with chhod aaye hum wo galiyaan and omkaara and now making me scream Dhan tenaan tena nenaan.

how many have seen Blue Umbrella and pankaj kapoor in it? there are no words for the act and the script. saif as an actor will only be remembered as langda tyaagi thanks to Vishal. and yes... the great intense Maqbool and the real Makdee

he creates all this in his playtime and he enjoys it. oblivious to how the dabba-daftar (box-office) responds. doesn't matters to him if his work is given an A certificate. the makings of his movies seems like a picnic where the camera is occasionally toggled between on/off rec mode. its all fun for him!

this guy and his works are just awesome. must see all

read or TV

i don't switch on my TV unless i have completed reading newspaper or a magazine and reading is the first thing i do in morning or after i reach home.
i also know that once i start watching TV, i won't be able to switch it off and resume reading again
so exactly what do i prefer? reading or TV?? hmm...!???

f not s

for all those who think that pronouncing 'f' instead of 's' is an Vishal Bharadwaj innovation in Kaminey...
There's this good friend of mine, my junior in college who use to talk like that. and more... he pronounces 'v' in place of 'r' too!
beat it! faahid waf too good
whatevev, itf fun fpeaking that way :) unleff one doefn't exaggvatef veplafing whatfoevev lettev with any othev.
fo what waiting? tvy thif onfe hehe :p

and now i...

now i am woken up not by my phone alarm but by her voice
now i walk among the morning hustle of my breakfast and lunch preparation
now i see someone in prayers to god in other room
now i smell insence sticks burning and fragrance all around me
now i get delicious breakfast when i am dressed up and ready
now i dont lock up my flat behind me
now i honk and wave back to two hands as i move out on my ride
now i carry a lunch box to office
now i have my lunch on time
now i try to finish off my work on time
now i am more than eager to go back 'home'
now i don't worry where and what will i eat tonight
now i see four eyes in balcony and window as i look up to my flat
now i ring the bell and the door opens
now i see smiling faces and feel wait in the air
now i relax among the hustle of dinner
now i take a walk after my meal
now i don't think of 'office next day' at home
now i wait for another great morning as i go to bed
now i have my mom, dad and my wife making my home

they have sworn on my name

5 of my friends have sworn
its either me or himesh reshamia for them
they wont give any heed to this guy's any produce from any part of his body or its imagery. they would also try to avoid looking at him when he guest appears on their favourite reality shows.
two of them have even committed that they will try to mute or change the chanel in perfect sync so as to avoid him or his voice.
few have said that they will take a longer route for commute again to avoid the halls where his new movie is being screened.
they would also try to rescue their friends and friends of friends from his effect.
and just in case they are affected by him by any means, they will get their head shaved, have a bath with Gangajal and will goto a temple and perform a purification ritual.
my friends bestest!

intention and gesture

the hall was half full. all were standing as the Tricolour fluttered on the screen and Jan Gan Man played. there was minor, almost negligible movement among people. almost all were well poised. i felt good. could even hear a few humming and me too let out my slow voice. a phone rang in front of me and this guy cut the call!

and the next time we people stopped at the entrance itself coz we could hear the anthem there.

i presume, in fact believe, this act of us was not out of any sort of compulsion. everyone knew what one should do and was doing it. and this was in contrast of all other activities we consciously or unconsciously take pleasure in doing when we are told not to. like parking at no parking or spitting at do not spit.

of course we all had a respect for the anthem. maybe we all remembered the teaching in civic, how to respect our national anthem and flag. "We should do this" was what we were taught. i think we never took this as an instruction or a rule that we would enjoy breaking. and if we ever thought so, maybe we were also thinking that atleast lets not break this rule.

now i dont expect we all would be doing the same if we heard the anthem when we were on street or in a meeting or in a restaurant. we would feel a bit sorry and will continue with our chore. the intention will be more important then than the gesture. like i always touch my parent's feet whenever i meet them after long but maybe i'll miss doing it if they stood there with open arms and we hug. no one would mind!

well, though i do feel bit awkward to see some players of our cricket team with their hands on chest in american style when they should be standing attention. either don't do it or do it properly? an immature thought! hehe.

intention above gesture my friend! intention above gesture! and we all have good intentions... atleast for one thing. and its great to see this :)

what's important than what?

i hushed her coz she giggled and made a comment when i was engrossed in the scene which was playing. then all of the concentration broke and mind moved over. i hushed one of my best friend just for a giggle and honestly, the hush was indeed salty and her mood went off.

friends are important, a few are more important than others and very few are still more. but does this importance varies according to a situation? of course! when i am alone, any friend is important and when i am with these 'just' friends, the best friend is most significant.

what about other material things? is a really good movie powerful enough to make my best friend less significant? why do i leave my best friends behind on their own and myself rush and jump in jungle or waters without bothering whether they will be coming after me or not or whether they accept me leaving them? the same friends without whom i cannot enjoy any moment.

maybe its the change in the surroundings which changed my mind and shuffled the rankings. that movie and that theme. maybe some new stuff about which i never thought when i was virtually prioritizing everything. "yaar, aaj tu uske saath auto se chala jaa na. mujhe akele bike bhagaane ka mann kar raha hai. please!" there was no bike before.

so there is a new realization. i'd prefer eating roadside paani-puri even in rains or climbing those trees or roll on the grass or hike to that fort on the top of this hill alone rather than staying down with my 'best' friends who cannot come along. i may even say "balls to you"!! see... importance changed!

so the list gets shuffled. relativities change. some changes are temporary and others are permanent.

but the exceptions. is there anything whose place wont change ever? i think most of them are at the bottom of the list. but as we move towards top, its all cloud. positions change frequently, as quickly as situations.

after much thinking, the pre-conclusion: parents are the exceptions. they are the most important. irrespective of situations.

conclusion (in general, not necessarily pertaining to above lines): since there are exceptions in everything, there are exceptions in exceptions as well.

p.s. true friends never mind

conclusion

after a long time which was spent in observing and analyzing, deciding and refusing and with all the surviving remnants of thoughts involved in these activities, I hereby conclude and state:
"'Its all in the mind' is the third truth of life."

papa said...

a task-less mind in a lazy body on this sunday afternoon recalled this...

jan '08, we were having tea and snacks with all other chats at one of my father's friend's place. papa had just told him about my job, earnings, my staying at mumbai and uncle was all praises for me. it seemed as if it was one of the greatest thing for him to meet a guy who's an engineer, MBA and now earning good enough to live in mumbai and gift his dad a swanky mobile phone. it was not that uncle was from some lower middle class family to think this way. he owned a car, a duplex house, all those good interiors etc. but still, meeting me was a muse for him.

his 12 year old boy came down from his room, switched on the tv and fixed himself onto cartoon network and immediately got a scream from his dad "go from here and study. all this time you were playing computer games and now watching cartoons. look at gaurav bhaiyya. he used to study a lot when he was of your age" (don't know how he discovered this) then turned to my dad and said "bhaisaab, i am fed up of him. all day watching tv, or busy in computer games or playing cricket. if not these then he will be doing some mischief or just roaming around with other guys in neighbour. ask once to study and then look at his face, as if we are harassing him! don't know what he will do in days to come." obviously, my presence was adding salt to his frustration.

and then this happened. papa laughed, looked at me and then said to uncle "arre, its his time to play and get involved in all this. let him. all will be fine when he will grow up. look at gaurav now. honestly telling you, he was worse than your child at this age! but today..."

i didn't heard what more he said. i was awed, deaf and speechless... was only staring at papa. all those years and all my deeds zoomed in my mind within seconds. yes, i was spoilt, worse, and being the elder child, my parents were really too worried and many a times hopeless about me. yes, i remember well.

but i did well with their help to make it till here. added to all, i was an example now!

if you are average, you'll take average time to progress. and then you cannot compare your's to the pace of a fast horse. but then maybe, knowingly or unknowingly, your stroll will convert into gallops!

i love my parents most. have to set more examples.

after a while

sure i'll call it 'after a while' only. 27th oct was last, so its around five and a half months. no i don't have time to count it to the week and then the day... a know a guy who always does that and each time i don't appreciate.

though its only a while as per me, a lot many things have happened since... just justifying the pace of happenings. blog was a new muse but i got a newer one. took the courage to buy the camera, the price of which actuated eyebrow raising in whomever hearing it and then to make this very expression even more difficult for them, spent a few grands more on its accessories. umm... one stuff is still due... ehh!

then, two of my bestest buddies got married. i still don't believe it today and neither do they themselves, even though we were all personally present at both ceremonies. i did a better job than the official photographer... sigh!

the biggest event was my younger brother's Passing Out Parade from NDA, Khadakwasla. this one thing i cant describe, sorry. my parents and he flew in an airplane for the first time and i felt proud and bad when papa said thanks to me at the arrivals. i just bought tickets for them which were even cheaper than my camera and for that papa said thanks!

more responsibilities came up in job as few colleagues left. am still in picking-up stage for those responsibilities. immediate boss is a good guy :)

will copy-paste from my latest facebook status... o yes, created a facebook account too! copy-paste: Gaurav was doing 33.6 meters in a second when he finished 10k kms with his Pulsar! lets leave this self-explanatory.

new gadget: iPod classic 80 gb. it is quiet only while charging or updating songs and from 30mins of my falling asleep to about an hour of me waking up. when i told mom i bought one she said "i thought you were already having it! how come you were doing without any songs in your pocket??!!" on orkut they should change it to 'Six things you can't live without'

so... all this while i was not idle, just that i didn't peeped in here!

issues at hand...

two - three of them,
SMS voting
I condemn it strongly. the results during past few weeks support my stance. the shows meant to hunt the talent and groom it end up in favouritism. public votes, in the beginning of the shows may be for the talent, yes, but as the show proceeds the votes gets skewed towards the favourite participant and not the good, let alone the best talent. and if this doesn't happens then the results still smell fishy and people saying, 'he was not most favourite and best but still he won, we dunno how!?'
no one is to blame as you cant make millions of voters not to vote for their favourite. heart rules over mind here. to an extent, the judges can be held responsible, those eminent chairs who often themselves get onto this track of favouritism. then they fight (for best talent/TRP/ego or whatever) and confuse the voting mass instead of guiding them.
ends defying means... these shows are like movies where you appreciate the actors, their efforts, crib about the director, technical team and dont feel good after coming out of the hall.
amidst all these controversial hours on tv, you still feel good to have a clean talent show, that is 'Boogie Woogie'. running awesomely good since a decade, still fresh and getting better everytime. (me into favouritism here)

Nuclear deal
Red face Manmohan and Sonia and Congress
cant imagine what ppl in US will be talking about us!

India poised
"This site is not being updated.
Having sucked on extra caffeine during the launch of 'India Poised', the administrators and moderators of this website were having trouble remaining glued to their chairs. We decided to send them on a short break."

read this on the official India Poised website. i dont remember when this campaign was launched and the other one called DO. i think one was on 26th Jan and other on 15th Aug.
why Times is doing this... i think just to advertise and associate biggies with itself. coz i dont see any substantial result anywhere where i can see the name of the campaign associated! how many people even recalled it after 15 days of launch of each? if it was to just make the people feel good for some time then i appreciate Times.
so look at the statement above... the campaign seems 'paused'. what was it for and is the purpose getting solved is still a question i have?
even a movie Guru, which was made only for commercial purpose, spirited the people, made them realise themselves and change for better did more than what it was meant to! so whats happening to the campaigns which are made keeping 'people' in mind?

and now we have this Lead India campaign. the shortlised ones are not talking any different from any other 'common man' who also knows whats going around him and hence his responsibility. we want some change agent but we know it would be very difficult to do some good on a big level (which this drive is meant to, leading India) in the existing system. and changing the system, now when we have a lot may intellects and powers already, would be a very tough ride.
so i suggest, dont choose just one leader out of this small bunch of selected ones (public voting here again! phew*). instead, let them work together. they all have good missions in their mind, each with a different idea and different way to execute their mission. i am sure we will see better and 'apparant' results if they work together.

In dark
mobile service providers usually dont declare/inform about the premium sms rates, obviously which are pretty high, that are applicable to subsribers if they are voting for these polls!

feel good
posting after a long time, feeling good!

... with a cigarette in my hand...

yesterday i was reciting the lines of 'The Tiger' when i remembered these lines i've first heard in a tv commercial of some footwear company. i then recalled another ad, rather a social message, a campaign, which was aired during the initial days on Zee tv. and i searched for those lines...

a song, vocals by Gary Lawyer, with a guy in loosened fomals and tie was remembering his first cigarette days and those that followed. a dusky dark-shadowed video with glowing cigarette smoke prominent in all scenes and these lines sung on a catchy tune in background...

It was, I remember, many years ago,
When I had failed to distinguish between a friend and a foe,
When they had invited me, holding open the pack,
When I lost to curiosity, instead of being taken aback,
When on that fateful day, for the first time,
I held a cigarette in my hand.

It was, I felt a part of being in the teens,
And what had started with a puff or two became a routine.
The smoke's illusion blinded me for as it arose,
Arose my spirits too, and I muttered to myself, "I can" because,
With a cigarette in my hand, I felt like a man.

Soon it came out in the open, for it had become a habit I could not hide,
I was helpless, for I could not help but continue,
Even when I knew, it was eating me up from inside,
I was sick... my body and my soul and I realized,
With the cigarette in my hand,
I was a dying man.

Soon I was just a lifeless form, a hollow,
People shunned me everywhere, I wished,
If only had I done something which others could follow,
But it was too late, I had taken the wrong path,
And I was ignored, because
With a cigarette in my hand,
I was a hated man.

All the time, tears filled my eyes,
For people had bid me their good byes,
I wept because my cells, my body was choking,
If only on that first day, my friends had been joking,
And then one day, the cigarette dropped from my hand,
I was a dead man.

nice lines for an awareness message.
but then, when you search "with a cigarette in my hand" (with quotes), you'll find in most of the searches people stating that with a cigarette in their hand they feel more confident, relieved, omposed, thinking, manly, and all other positive psychological individualisms in themselves!

was this the reason why the ad didn't continued for long on tv and was never heard or seen anywhere else?

just happening... right now... why??

enough of testing craps... lets start something worth...
and what could be better than talking about something 'live', happening right now! what am i doing?? or... why am i not doing what i should!!??

me is sitting here on comp playing with the keys and in the monitor i can see 'her' reflection! no suspense intended, this girl was in the group of 48 Management Trainees, who had their induction in Udaipur at a resort in the outskirts for 9 days from 6th june... just a year back. we were inducted together before joining the Vedanta group.

I've never seen people mixing with each other so very instantaneously as in this period. Within a day, people formed their groups of 5-10 with whom they were comfortable and this girl was in our group of about 10ppl. She is South Indian, knows very less of Hindi.
We all used to go on trips during induction and while in the bus, we sung lots and lots of songs. Now, this girl, with whom i developed close friendship, knew some hindi songs! So i gave her company whenever she tried one and also explained meanings of many other songs which were sung and she couldn't understand! We had nice time with this translation game! She is very composed, confident and sweet!

She is posted at Tuticorin, a small place due south, and has came here in mumbai office today for some assignment. I saw her in the morning but never in eyes and still not even trying to bother her! We do converse on emails but right now, i dont know why i am finding 'fun' in not approaching and talking to her! I know she is leaving after sometime for Kolkata and still me sitting! There is nothing like hesitation or shy or anything and i never had offended her, no ill or 'extra' feeling existed at anytime and we parted friendly, thinking we would never meet again!

Still when she is here, 'Why Am I Not Talking To Her??!!'